May 2016, a blessed month! Our third child was on the way, our family was healthy, spring was in the air and God’s blessings were overflowing. All was well! I had been working as an online health and fitness coach, helping other women to feel healthy from the inside out, growing on my own journey and sharing the ups and downs daily with others. I was working to build a community for women to feel safe to share their insecurities, struggles, and victories while encouraging and helping each other to grow healthier spirit, soul, and body.
Fast forward two months, my world came crashing down in what was the most devastating experience of my life. I had always felt I had been through much over my years, yet this superseded them all. The little baby (Skyler) I had grown to carry, know and love had passed and gone home to be with Jesus. I was filled with doubts, overwhelming amounts of tears, a lack of understanding, pain and even some days the inability to stand or believe I would make it to the other side. I could just sit in a ball on the couch and cry, cry myself to sleep and most often cry to the Lord.
The latter is what made me make it to the other side. I knew I had a choice in the midst of the terrible pain to run to God, or run away from God. If I ran away from Him, I would have remained in the same place or worse digressed emotionally, which in turn would affect myself, family, ministry and those around me negatively. I knew even in the midst of dark pain I had to run to Him. Through time, tears, much prayer, searching His Word and believing on His promises, He slowly healed my wounds. He is the ONLY one who can bind and mend our brokenness.
Through that time, I felt I needed to shut myself out from distractions and extra things in life and be closest to my husband, family and the Lord; which means I took a serious break from posting, blogging, and my online groups. The thought of going to back to sharing anything in the community I had worked to build was just painful since I associated it with being pregnant with Skyler. In a way, I blamed myself. I should have been focusing solely on the baby I was carrying and did too much; I thought in a way that it could have been part of the cause of my loss. So I figured it was best to just shut down that part of my life and be on to other things – simpler and quieter things.
In time I began to hear from women that I had been connected with in my online groups, as well as women that I had helped or were following my journey, asking me if I was going to start posting and encouraging again. I was humbled by their desire, yet knew I was not able to handle it at the time and would just smile and say, “yeah, maybe,” with no real intention to do so. Yet, God continued to stir my heart to return to sharing His Word and to reach out to women from the passion He gave me regarding healthy body image, healthy mindsets, etc., yet I continued to dismiss it even though I knew the time was near.
Finally, God used my Mom in a recent conversation to inspire me once again and stir the desires He put in my heart, to open that part of my life back up and start sharing the importance of wholeness – spirit, and soul and body. I don’t know each day where that will lead, but I know He has given me the desire to make even a small difference each day in the lives of women. Transitioning from ‘fitsophisticate’ to ‘Kristin Elizabeth’ makes it a new beginning for me, with the ultimate purpose to share who God is, what He’s done in my life and that He can do the same for others. That’s His desire for us as His women, to be WHOLE and healthy, in our spirits, in our souls, and in our bodies, because then and only then can we give out to our loved ones, jobs, ministries and all that is required of us.
I am excited to take this step of faith and begin this journey again! Thank you Mom and thank you Lord!
Better is the end of the thing, than the beginning! Ecclesiastes 7:8